The whirl of emotions...

And I am not just talking about my pregnancy hormones!

I am now 28 weeks pregnant and feeling very large and not at all in charge! As I enter into the last trimester of my pregnancy, Ryan and I are entering into a completely new phase of life... homeowners! If all goes as it is supposed to, then this afternoon, Ryan and I will close on our first home. We have been house-hunting since the spring and found the cutest, littlest, sweetest starter home for this little family of 3. We are so excited and nervous and every emotion in between.

The joy of looking at possible real estate sometimes changed to puking in the front yard because of the garbage + morning sickness experiences! The excitement of finding a home that would work, only to find that it is bank owned and the possibility of getting it would take months! And then finally, finding the perfect little home and the stress of gathering ALL our money for down payments and closing costs and moving, and the fear of doing the 'right' thing. There were moments of wanting to give up, moments of excitement and joy, and then paralyzing fear.

I am honestly awed at the support we have around us and the prayer that has been and that will be offered about us and this choice. I know that becoming a parent is going to be the biggest change in my life, but today, becoming a homeowner is coming in a close second.

Hopefully, tonight I will post pictures of my new home.

A little of this and a little of that...

It has been a while since the last post and that is completely my fault. It has been a little crazy. With school ending and summer school beginning, buying a house, celebrating Chris' graduation, work, and registering for baby stuff, my summer has been completely crammed, and it's ONLY JUNE!

The semester finished wonderfully! I was super stressed about my Statistics class, but made it through! This semester was filled with learning about Group counseling and Career counseling, and of course Stats. I was able to complete my classes with good grades, despite the fact that starting the semester with the news of a pregnancy made it hard to concentrate sometimes. I even got "outed" in one of my classes about my pregnancy. My teacher sensed my stress and when she asked, my friend said to everyone, "Well, yeah she's stressed, she's pregnant!" It was a hoot!

But nonetheless, the semester came to a close and I began my summer class the following week. I took Ethics online and finished in about 2 weeks. It was so quickly paced that I can't believe I was able to read an entire text book that quickly. But I did it! So, now I can concentrate on my family and me for the next few months.

We had a wonderful time with Ryan's family as we watched Chris run his last High school track meet here in ABQ. It was the State meet and he did wonderfully. He placed in two events... and I should be able to recall what they are... but like I said, I just finished an entire class in 2 weeks! :-) We also got to celebrate Chris' graduation with a trip to Colorado. Ryan, Alan, Stanna, Chris, Baby and I traveled to Denver to watch The Rapids (MLS) play. It was pretty fun for being futbol! We spent time in Colorado Springs site seeing and hanging out. We drove up Pike's Peak, and although it was beautiful, Baby and I did not enjoy the altitude change. Nothing has ever happened to me before when at high altitudes, but this time, I couldn't catch my breathe and I felt pretty dizzy. I want to go back after I can reclaim my body and see how I react! Other then seeing the sites, it was nice to eat together and visit and even to watch some of the basketball championships and just be together. I sure am going to miss Chris when he travels to the Naval Academy this summer for college. But, don't tell him I said so!

I have also been super blessed by friends and family who have offered to throw Ryan and I some baby showers this summer. We are planning on heading to Lubbock this month and then to El Paso in July. But the best and worst part about this, is registering. YIKS is all I have to say! Ryan and I were released into this huge store of baby stuff and all we could think is, "Where's our mommas!?" We probably spent 20 minutes looking at strollers, just scratching our heads. Luckily, I have amazing friends who sent me lists and lists of what they considered MUST-HAVES, and boy, was it helpful! It was like having 20 of my friends there saying "Get this, not that!"

So, all in all summer has begun and we are excited about it. We are looking forward to getting our house together (another blog about that another time) and spending time with friends and family. I am not looking forward to growing in the heat, but am very much enjoying feeling my baby move and grow.

22 weeks and feeling good.

Ryan and I had another midwife appointment this week and everything is still going good. I got asked about my weight gain... I might be gaining a little quickly, but no worries! Except that it is now summer which means cookouts and baby showers! Oh well, we aren't concerned... just trying to be mindful!

As far as Baby goes, it's moving! I have finally acknowledged the fact that I feel baby move and it's not my imagination and it is so neat. I can feel thumps and turns and people might not believe me, but I can feel it's heart beat. Ryan felt it a little too. He has yet to feel the movements of the baby... as soon as he puts those big hands on my tummy, things quit. It's just his soothing nature!

I have also become a pregnant woman. I am finally showing and I am so proud of my belly. For a while there, I wasn't sure if I looked pregnant to anyone who didn't know me... but yesterday at the bus stop, and woman asked me for a lighter and then said, "Oh, never mind, you're pregnant!" So, I am not just a little bloated, I'm pregnant! Yea!

Okay, non-baby related Porter family updates.

We are in the process of buying a house. We have put in many offers on bank-owned homes, and have yet to hear back from any of those. But we did find a charming little home in the North Vally that will be a wonderful started home for us. We are in negotiations with them and it looks very promising! Please pray that the Lord makes a clear path the home we are supposed to have.

Summer school has begun for me and I am really enjoying working quickly on one class. I finished this past semester, which is a huge blessing. It was very difficult to go to school, look for a house, work, and grow a baby! But I finished strong and am looking forward to a break! Did I mention, I got an A in stats. WooHoo.

Ryan is working hard both at work and before and after. Against my wishes, he is running in the mornings and lifting weights after work. I say it's against my wishes because he is losing while I am gaining. It isn't fair! But I am proud of him nonetheless!

We are looking forward to a wonderful summer of traveling to Lubbock and El Paso for baby showers and to Colorado to celebrate Chris' (Ryan's little brother) graduation! It will also be our last summer as a duo, so we are going to live it up and hopefully stay cool!

I'm in love with a machine.

As most of you who are parents know, yesterday was probably one of the most amazing days. With the use of some remarkable technology, Ryan and I were able to see our little Peanut through ultrasound. It was one, if not the most, wonderful moments of my life. I was blown away with what we were able to see and experience. I got to see movements of the arms and legs, and see it twist and turn. The face, the head, heart, the bones, everything! This machine is amazing. I have seen a lot of friends’ ultrasound pictures, and they are all amazing too, but to see the movement in the moment was just… miraculous.

We are so glad to report that everything is exactly as it should be! The important things that the midwife and tech look for are all wonderfully normal. Praise the Lord!

I had a few favorite moments! One was when the tech wanted to look at the Baby’s brain, so she found it’s head and Baby was completely still and sideways. As soon as she said that she was going to go in closer and get a good look, my little Sassy Baby turned completely the other way! The tech laughed and Ryan looked right at me with that look, like “this is you child!”

Another favorite moment is when she was able to zoom close in to the baby’s face, and at that moment, Baby lifted its arms and began putting its hand in it mouth. We got to see the mouth open, and the tongue lick the fingers, and it was just incredible. I am just in awe of this machine and how it truly made me and Ryan feel so much closer to this little thing! I want one every week now! But, like a friend said, it’s a good thing that I only get one… that means nothing is wrong! I can’t wait to see this little masterpiece in person.

Here is a profile look. The spine is the line down the back. It's perfect.

Here is a little foot. I thought, considering who I married, this might be bigger! But it's still growing. Measured in a 3.04 cm! Can't wait to kiss those toes.

Here is a look of the baby looking right at us! A little skeleton, but gorgeous!

Here is another profile picture. The nose, lips, and chin are visible.

Here is one we got of Baby sucking its thumb! TOO CUTE!

And, lastly, here is our Little One in 3D. It was difficult to get a good picture here because Baby was cuddled up to my placenta. To get a good picture, there needs to be liquid all around, but this Baby is like Ryan and is cuddling. I am happy with what we were able to see!

We've got MOXY!

It was a wonderful midwife appointment this week. We went in at 18 weeks and I was prepared for a scolding and to complain that I hadn't felt the baby... but we left laughing and talking and filled with joy!

First, I was prepared for a scolding because of my weight gain, I was worried that maybe in these past 4 weeks I had gained too much too quick. But, my midwife said I was right where I needed to be. My blood pressure is "textbook" and the baby position is exactly where it should be. I have noticed my abdomen getting more and more firm. Sometimes, I am like Ryan's little brother, Christopher always telling Ryan to feel my abs!

But the best part was when we got to listen to the heart beat again. The first time we got to hear the heart beat (4wks ago) this same thing happened. My midwife put the microphone to my belly and found the beat right away, but Baby wasn't having it. Both times, with a swish and swirl, Baby headed to a more private area! 4wks ago, I kinda laughed, and thought not much of it, but this time, it took my midwife moving all over my tummy to find it again. We heard the Baby swimming all around. We all were laughing, and Ryan said, "Sassy, just like Angie!" Later he replace sassy with obstinate! But, my fears of not being able to feel the Baby move were put to rest, because we have a very mobile little one. My midwife reassured me that with first children, mom's often don't feel things until 18-22 wks. I told her that people around me said they felt things early and I should too, and she told me not to listen to others... listen to her!

So, the lesson I am taking away is to stop comparing my pregnancy to the pregnancy of others... and the authors of all the books I am reading. Those books are very helpful and have a lot of information, but they are written to be used for generalization. And my friends and family who have been pregnant, are completely different people then I am with different bodies. Their advice is priceless, and I will take all I can get... but just because they felt their baby move at 6 wks, doesn't minimize my experiences at all! I will feel my Peanut when I am supposed to.

I am so happy to be pregnant. I am so happy to have a supportive partner who speaks to my belly every night and loves that his baby has some of my spunk! I am joyful that all is healthy and "textbook". I am content with where I am.

May 10th.

As I was walking to work this morning I was listening to my favorite morning show and they were giving away gift certificates to a local restaurant and the male DJ said that these would make wonderful Mother’s Day presents and the other DJ commented on how Mother’s Day is just around the corner and that is when it hit me… I am about to join that club!

Every once and a while I have these moments of realization that I am actually pregnant, I am not imagining it and this is not a dream or a joke. This was one of those moments. Sometimes it happens when I am alone and I find myself talking to my tummy, and then I realize I am not a crazy woman talking to herself, I am talking to someone! Other times it hits me when I am speaking to people and they ask me questions and where they used to be hypothetical, now they are legitimate, time-sensitive questions: Do you want to know the sex of the baby? Are you going to use pain medicine? Do you have names picked out? Its times like that I realize I need to have answers to these types of questions because soon enough I am going to have to take a stance. And for those of you who want those answers: NO!, NO!, and NO!

I do not know if the realizations hit Ryan like they do me. Sometimes I think it’s still an abstract thought to him. And sometimes, I get annoyed because it seems he acknowledged it a long time ago and I wonder what’s wrong with me! It’s funny how we all have different time frames for these kinds of things.

So, the purpose of this blog?... I guess to document that I am going to be celebrated on May 10^th! Woohoo!

"Hold on, let me think about that..."

So, when one gets pregnant it is known to most that there will be morning sickness, nausea, weight gain, mood swings, but nobody ever really told me about the baby stealing my brain!!!

The words of the title of this blog have become my catch phrase. I say them constantly, whether to myself or out loud. I am forgetting things that have been in my brain for years, things that I need to remember, like for my MASTER'S DEGREE, and things said to me 20 minutes ago! I know this has a tone of whining, and I don't mean for it to, it is mainly a tone of surprise. I have always had a good memory... compared to Ryan, it's amazing, but now... he looks to me to remember when we moved from Lubbock to Albuquerque, how long we worked at Spirit Ranch, his birthday... and it's in there, it just takes a minute to retrieve. It is very frustrating.

So, mom's of the world, is this normal? Will it get better? Or should I just resolve myself to being forgetful? Maybe now I understand why my mom forgot me at school is 4th grade!