About Me

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Ryan and I began our journey together over 9 years ago, when we began dating. We became life partners in August of 2004, and this past fall we welcomed a baby into our family. Topher Van Sol was born Oct. 3, 2009. We have two wonderful dogs that bring joy everyday and are getting used to this attention stealer! I am a counselor in training, and Ryan is an Educational Assistant at a residential treatment center. He is also working on his MSW. We live to serve and love. We are blessed my our friendships and family.

Wednesday, March 31, 2010

The worst moment ever!

Writing this is very difficult for me, mainly because of the embarrassment! I don't know why I feel the need to share this on a blog... but I do. I think it might be cathartic to some extent and maybe it will help my friends who read it. I hope those are both right.

Yesterday afternoon, Topher finished eating his 3 o'clock feeding- he did an awesome job, by the way, and while I was cleaning up, Topher fell. Topher was sitting in his Bumbo on the table and he saw the grocery bag we had used earlier in the day sitting on the edge of the table, and I can only assume he went reaching for it and bam! I still cannot shake the image of my poor baby laying on the kitchen floor screaming. My back was turned for literally seconds. As some of you know, my entire house is ceramic tile, so this could have ended really bad. I scooped him up and called 911. I was able to keep my cool enough to tell them what happened, and although Topher was still screaming, I remained calm. I just kept praying that he be alright. Crying was a good thing I kept telling myself. 911 said that help was on the way and by that time, Topher had stopped crying. Moments later Ryan pulled up in the drive way, I was still holding Topher, who was obviously shaken, but calm. I began to cry hysterically, and then Topher did too. Within seconds a policeman and the fire fighters arrived. They examined Topher and assessed the situation. Everyone was calm and over and over again assuring me that this happens all the time.
The firefighters and the police officer thought that there was no real need to worry, he didn't throw up, pass out, and he wasn't acting abnormal. But when the paramedics came, Ryan and I decided that we wanted to go to the hospital. Topher and I rode in the ambulance and Ryan followed. We were seen at UNMH by a med student, a resident, and the attending and all of them said that Topher seemed fine, except for the bump on his head. They were concerned with the bump because it was on the side of his head, and even though all other signs of trauma were not present, the bump was. We hung around for a while, but Topher started acting hungry, so with the doctor's blessings we took Topher home.
Ryan and I continued to observe Topher, and even woke him up a few times during the night. Of course, I slept in his room, and Ryan slept on the couch outside Topher's room. I found so much comfort every time he stirred in the night and I could hear him snore or exhale. It was a very long night, I probably got up and checked him 4 or 5 times, and who knows how many times I woke to hear his breathing.
Anyway, Ryan took the day off today. I just couldn't think of staying at home with Topher alone. I am so scared. I fell like a total failure and a horrible mother. I don't know how I am ever going to trust myself with him. One paramedic said that this was Topher's first of many experiments with gravity and I know that is true. I know these things happen... and it is because of God's wisdom that children are made so resilient... but this is having a huge effect on me.

If you read this, that means you care about Topher, Ryan, and me... so I ask that right now you please say a little prayer for this little Porter family- We... I... need it!

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Topher "crawling" backwards

This little guy is getting so mobile... here he is moving backwards. The camera is stationary and he moves further and further away. It's cute!

Sunday, March 14, 2010

Topher "talking"

I just had to grab the camera and get Topher singing and talking when he got up from his nap. He is so cute. Just wanted to share!

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

One big boy!

Hey there friends and family, I really should be doing some reading for school and cleaning of my oh-so-messy house, but I've decided to write a quick blog about my 5 month old! I cannot believe how quickly time is flying!

Topher has not had an official weigh in since I took him to the doc a few weeks ago for his little cold, but according to my home scale, he is over 16 lbs! Of course, whenever I use the scale, it's alwasy 5 pounds off! Weird, huh? Anyways, he is getting so big and so much fun to play with. We started Topher on rice and oat cereal about two weeks ago and he is getting the hang of it, kinda! he loves to take a bite and then spit if out with his tongue! It makes a great, fun noise and it's a lot of fun when it gets all over mommy's face! We have yet to finish a whole bowl of cereal while Topher is sitting in his chair, he begins to move too much and drool and put his hands in his mouth, and so most of the time he is in my lap! I know, BAD MOMMA! But, he is getting the hang of taking bites and swallowing. It's amazing to think about all the new tastes he is about to discover.

He is discovering a lot with his hands now. He is reaching for things like toys and bottles, and the other day he reached for me for the first time! It was sp precious! HE DOES LIKE ME! I believe he is getting a little separation anxiety, which is difficult. When I put him down to play or swing, if I leave the room, he gets a little upset. I am conflicted witht he idea that he is just a baby and i am his caregiver so of course when separated, he is going to feel fear and the idea that we live in America where autonomy is taught and desired. I want a strong and independent child, but when is it too young to begin that lesson? Other cultures, child are rarley seperated from their moms the first year! It's an interesting journey!

Anyway, we are looking forward to Topher's first Easter. I want to get him a cute little Easter outfit and of course Daddy wants one too! I hope I don't end up with two clothes horses! Topher is also going to meet Grandpa Frank and Grandma Di for the first time over the Easter weekend, we are all looking forward to that! It is going to be a great time!

So, here are some pictures of the cutest baby in the world!

Sweet love!

Loves soccer already!

He would make a great baby model!

Doesn't really understand why feeding from a spoon is happening!

Dada, help!

Monday, March 1, 2010

Baby Dedication pictures!

Finally! Here are some pictures from Topher's Baby Dedication. Thank you, Montgomery! We had a wonderful time!

This is Ryan and I trying to explain to Toph that we were going to dedicate him and his walk with the Lord!

You can see by his response, he was very excited about it!

Topher's slide:

Proud Parents

He started to need a little entertaining! Good thing there is a Daddy!

He was ready for lunch!

Daddy does his portion too!

It was a great day!